I Handed My Jar Of Hearts Over To Ya...

Peace be upon ya my dear followers and to all of us who are capable of inhaling oxygen and enjoy the perks of life that has been given by Allah...
I just have to bring this up cuz i can no longer keep it to myself and pretend like nothin's goin through my head...


Im really terrified and scared and nervous!!!
I nearly shit in my pants by just typin it up..not really though,i was goin for more a rhetorical vibe but that came out pretty bad didn't it?
Of course y'all are curious to find out what could possibly be causing me such terror...
Well i fear that i wont get the chance to pursue my studies at a college/university...
I just couldnt settle on the thoughts of even not be able to pursue my studies into a higher and distinguished level
Like fingers crossed that will never happen to me or i promise y'all im just gonna lose it...
Lose my insanity,my mind, my everythin...


If any of ya could be thinkin that i made this whole shenanigans up on purpose just to get a free sympathy votes(which i think is utter ludicrous since its not even a reality tv show,its just a rants)y'all are nothin but wrong and i dont appreciate those overwhelming thoughts...


If only i could just talk to the person in charge and just give me the all system go sign it'd be less a problem..
And i know its simple to say for some of ya like 'it aint the end of the world bob!'(forgive me for my lousy country accent),'get back on the horse if ya fall'(if that happens to me i'd end up at a hospital with both of my legs cement) and stuff but it means the whole universe to me cuz at where im currently standin education trumps everythin else that crosses my paths and i need to endeavor that anyhow possible..


Also by endeavor that i manage to do many rad things like help my family out and the utmost paramount thing is to help myself...
By that i am referring to my rebelling,anxiety need to splurge cuz im literally in poverty...


Not that im sayin i dont have roof over my head but to me i guess it aint enough,and i know i should be grateful because there are plenty of other people who are in a much worst adversity than myself but honestly it doesnt gratify me that much..


I just wanna buy my own items with my very owned,well earned money with no guilt and basically be free to have all the money spended...
I wanna buy a house so that my family and friends are able to come to,a car to go where the hell my heart desires,clothes,accessories,ya name it...


I just have all this big dreams but there seem to be no progress...
Im afraid that it will only be a dream that never takes off and someday it'd fades away and leave me with nothin but ashes from all those dreams..


I think from what i've experienced  so far i've had enough of 'bullies' talked down on me,dictates me and made my life as miserable as its not..
Anyways i just gotta earn a diploma and a degree(hopefully Master and PHD next to follow)and get a job at our Malaysian Embassy and be posted to a country i myself have never been to which is pretty electrifying...